My Academic Reading and Writing Journey (Fall 2019)

This journal is my companion on this journey to improve my ability to interact with texts in academia. It will outline the thoughts and questions that arise from the assigned course readings. All commentaries on Giltrow’s textbook chapters will be based on her Academic Writing: Reading and Writing in the Disciplines. I will include the references for the articles referred to in the journal as we get to them. I hope you enjoy the ride through my eyes. 

Textbook:

Giltrow, Janet. Academic Writing: Reading and Writing in the Disciplines. 3rd Edition. New York: Broadview Press.

Journal Entry 1

Reflecting on 

Academic Reading and Writing is a course that I have been warned is dense and difficult. This forewarning was not comforting or helpful. 

As I read the preface of Giltrow’s book, my uneasiness did not subside. Giltrow was making a point to show that academic writing has a certain writing style and what seemed like a set “bar” (expectations) to be reached. It is clear that, as she is presenting what will be our (the reader’s) journey to “developing an ear for the characteristic sounds of scholarly voices and developing [our] own positions as writers” (p.11), she infantilizes the type of writing that precedes the type of writing found in peer-reviewed journals, going as far as to refer to the writing as being in “perpetual childhood”(p.13). 

The preface was written much like a scholarly article. The language was dense, and to the novice reader, intimidating. I couldn’t help but wonder if this wasn’t by design. A sort of warning for what is to come.

This is my attempt at humour during the in-class discussion regarding "Chapter 1: Introducing genre" by Giltrow.

Bright, slightly self-doubting returning student, 34, looking for male/female/other to discuss the preface of “Academic Writing: writing & reading in the disciplines” by Janet Giltrow who won’t judge my uncertainties. St-Bruno, South Shore area.

Through the genre of a personal advertisement, much like you would have found in the classified before the digital era introduced us to dating apps, I was trying to convey my feelings in regards to the material as well as my comprehension.

“Form + situation = genre”

I felt that the addition of context to the form in order to determine genre was a relevant and necessary addition. There are contexts to knowledge accompanied by assumptions of pre-existing knowledge in order to decipher a message. This formula created a shift for me. As a student of the English language, I was taught that genres were categories within which texts could fall:historical fiction, fantasy, poetry, autobiography, etc… I feel that this new definition does not as easily categorize pieces of writing. Giltrow (p.24) refers to the thank-you note as a genre, which encompasses its own rules for writing. 

I particularly found enlightening that the new definition of the genre also led to new ways of discussing characteristics in texts, “not as rules but as signs of common ground amongst communities of readers and writers: shared attitudes, practices, positions in the world, habits of being” (p.25). 

1.3 What is an essay, Alex?

Giltrow shows that the essay is one genre of scholarly writing. One that does not serve us (the reader and writer) in post-graduate academic writing. She points to our audience: “While students may see themselves as learners rather than researchers, they nevertheless do their learning under the direction of people who are trained as researchers and who read and write research publications. The knowledge students acquire is the kind of knowledge that comes from the techniques of inquiry developed by the various academic disciplines.” (p.27). I’ve always considered my audience when writing. Mainly, I looked at the audience - more often than not my professor and/or peers - as a way to guide my writing. It had not occurred to me that in post-graduate studies, it would also guide my learning. Of course, I understood that I am now to join a conversation, rather than summarize or report on it. I simply hadn’t considered the origin of my mentor as a factor, which molds the experience. As an experienced teacher, I’m feeling a little ridiculous. I intrinsically know that the training received by an educator affects the experience of the student. How strange it is when we don’t apply these same principles to ourselves. Perhaps that is part of the introspection that we need to do and neglect to follow through on so often. 

---

Journal Entry 2: 

"Critical Reading Strategies for Graduate Studies"

Although I have known (and taught) about these strategies for years, it’s interesting how when we are overwhelmed by a task, we forget about the tools we have to help us complete it. I created a bookmark (I glued it back to back) so that these strategies would accompany me on my reading and critical thinking journey. 

"Chapter 2: Citations"

Citations are part of academic writing. In fact, I am starting to believe they should be part of all writing. I am pregnant with my first child. As such, I have a stack of books that have been gifted to me. After all, we trust what has been published. Right? My sister gave me Survivre à la grossesse et plus encore by Julie Champagne. It’s beautifully illustrated by Ana Roy, a Quebec artist. It accompanied me as I sat in the ER and then the clinic waiting room for about 12 hours. (The smart thing would have been to do my class readings, but my mind was not quite focused.) And so I started some light reading, infused with humour about the experience of pregnancy. She listed fun traditions from different countries, and even statistics from studies. Which studies, you may ask - mainly because you’re humouring me? I have no idea. There were no in-text citations. I thought it was strange and slightly irresponsible. How was I to know when the study took place? Was it still relevant? Who carried out the study? What was the study looking to explore? Were those results the main objective of the study? And so, I flipped to the back of the book. I thought surely the references for the facts listed would be back there and that the in-text citation were a format/editing decision. Nothing. So then. There I was. Sitting on a hard bench, willing my number to be called, and I was disappointed in the author, the editor, and the publisher. My sister’s gift, which was part of a very sweet care package she had brought me for being so sick, had indeed distracted me. And then I realized that I needed to put away my post-grad hat if I wanted to enjoy the book. The sad part is that I also felt like I needed a willing suspension of disbelief, which meant I was ultimately treating the book as a work of fiction. I assure you that I wasn’t using the critical reading strategies bookmark. It seems that I don’t need a reminder to use them anymore.

I think that the main problem in my previous experience was that the author lost the authority I had previously granted her. She sure did state at the beginning of the book that she wasn’t a scholar, but I still assumed that because she was published, she would be a reliable source of information. This reinforces what I read in Chapter 2. Yes, citations provide authority, credibility, and they provide the author with the permission to take a turn in the conversation. 

Journal Entry 3

"Chapter 4: Readers Reading"

I caught myself telling my husband to stop making certain comments and speaking a certain manner the other day. I told him that “he sounded uneducated”. First of all, I apologized to him for the comment. I have hair-trigger reactions lately. I blame it on the hormones and being ill. Reading about attitudes towards languages made me think of this incident. Though not a shining moment for me, the comment exemplified what Giltrow discussed learned behaviours of judging language or symbolic domination. “Through their experience of schooling especially, but also from other social experience, people learn to disparage their own speech and writing, to suspect it of errors, and to feel intimidated by the speech of those whom they have been taught to regard as exemplary - usually the members of the privileged classes, or those who have spent a long time studying in institutions of higher learning” (p.158). Although this reflects quite poorly on me, I believe that I was using that concept against my husband. I was rating his use of language. 

I also related to the idea of feeling intimidated by those who have a better vernacular or deeper understanding of language than me. This is an insecurity that I have been working on since grade 3, which is when I learned English. At around 9 years-old, my peers were already experts in their mother tongue, English. I worked really hard to catch up to my classmates. And, if I may tute my own horn here, I feel like I did a fairly good job of it. In fact, I am now more proficient in English than in French. This brings me to a whole other side of the attitude towards language, which is the idea of being “une québécoise anglicisée” and the issues that arise from it. Attitudes towards language in Quebec are undoubtedly unique to the province. In a province that has a dual ancestry (French and British), there are inevitably opinions and attitudes regarding the language spoken. 

AWK. WW. Run-on. As an English teacher in an advanced class, I had to correct and provide feedback to nearly one hundred students, who were each submitting an average of one essay (between 750 and 1250 words) weekly. I did use the “standard” of writing spoken about. I did, however, provide additional comments to explain the areas of improvement. As Giltrow points out, the “traditional marking commentary can go on at too high a level of abstraction to be entirely informative to writers” (p.165). I completely agree. As such, the teacher should provide additional guidance through the form of feedback, whether it be oral or written. That being said, this still presupposes that there is “one correct form” (p.163).

Journal Entry 4

"Chapter 3: Arrangements for Readers, Arrangements for Speakers"

As a teacher, I am not ignorant to the importance of definition. In fact, we use definitions to justify and legitimize our work on grant application forms or when we unpack the curriculum or when we discuss our pedagogical approaches. 

As a teacher at Ventures, the Social Integration Services program offered at ACCESS, Riverside School Board, I am faced with challenges not encountered by many. The students enrolled in the program are exclusively adult students with special needs. First, though we understand the legal definition of an adult, we offer the program to adults aged 21 and older because there are a wider range of services offered until the age of 21 in the youth sector. Then, we need to define which special needs adults we will service. The term “special needs” is problematic. I have struggled with its use for quite some time. This was my attempt at clarifying the term:

According to Wilson (2003, p.61-62) the terms special needs is widely used without a clear definition. Throughout my career as an education professional, teachers and pedagogues alike have used the term to refer to intellectual disabilities, mental health issues, as well as gifted students. In the youth sector, students are provided with codes to identify the particular special needs of the student, which greater clarity to the educators, but the students are still referred to under the undefined umbrella of special needs. In the adult sector, the use of codes assigned to the students in the youth sector is discontinued; therefore, there are no longer complementary indicators to define the term “special needs” in the adult sector. For the purpose of describing the student body engaged in the Social Integration Services program in the adult sector, I use special needs as a synonym to the term intellectual and developmental disability (IDD). This widely used term best describes the special needs population serviced by the program. 

Ultimately, I describe how it is used in the teaching profession. More specifically, I look at its use within the context of the Social Integration program. Perhaps shining light on the ambiguous nature of the phrase “special needs” could lead into further inquiry, perhaps it is an abstraction that serves its purpose in different contexts, but this was my attempt at defining it in a way that allows others to join the conversation that I would like to have. 

Another salient point with which I walk away from Chapter 3 is the reference of researchers cited within a paper as guests or speakers. Being a visual person, I can better understand the interplay of the sources within a paper. For instance, the idea of guest speaking in unison, in which case you may cite all of their work in reference to one singular theme or thought.  It provided me with greater clarity on how people “join the conversation” through a paper.

Dr. Roxane Gay - Shares Writing Tips: On Finding the Why - Class Excerpt

My thinking / notes on the video:

References:

Gay, R. [Silkshare]. (2019, 08, 01). Roxane Gay (New York Times) Shares writing tips:On Finding                the why - Class Excerpt. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/rml6KQlLIsA

Wilson, J. (2002). Defining 'special needs'. European Journal of Special Needs Education, 17(1), 61-
          66. doi: 10.1080/088562501100990024. 

Journal Entry 5

[Warning: This is a bit of a vent. You may skip ahead]

Today, I have been playing catch up. I was diagnosed with a bad bronchitis in August, which I likely started in March (yeah... self-care is important), and given a course of treatments, which proved unsuccessful. Two weeks ago (Sept 23-27), I had an emergency appointment with my General Practitioner, X-Rays for my lungs, an ER and hospital-clinic visit, oh and did I mention I'm pregnant and teaching full time? So, I missed my first post-grad class. The doctor gave me the following Monday and Tuesday off. I was a mess. Monday, I had blood tests as part of the screening process for birth defects, which is a little stressful. I was given "the brick". No no, not the Quebec Education Plan (QEP), but a guide to having a child. So, that's on the To-Do reading list. Truthfully, I didn't have the energy to focus, so I didn't do much class work. The rest of the week, I was at work from 8-5pm and in bed by 8:30 pm. By the time I was home, I was wiped. My students, though I love them oh-so-very much are exhausting. I have them from 9 am to 3pm. During that time, all 23 special needs adults fight for my attention, ask a million questions (I'm pretty sure half of those are asked by the same student), and have emotional breakdowns. My students are diagnosed with Down Syndrome, Autism, Epilepsy, and others are not diagnosed, but have mild intellectual disabilities. I have some non-verbal students, and some who are as snarky and snappy as a 14 year-old wanting to tell her teacher what comes next.

I have the day off today. I'm now on preventative leave. (Woohoo! First trimester is done, and all seems to be in order. We had our first ultrasound yesterday.) So, I am using this "me time" to do some much needed catching up.

[End of Vent. You may begin reading my academic reflections of the week here:]

"Chapter 5: Scholarly Styles and the Limits of Knowledge"

We've all said it or heard it at some point or another, whether while discussing a document at work or in a class discussion. The idea that academic writing is dense and is impenetrable by laypeople. This comment is generally true. If I gave one of my family members a peer-reviewed article, they would likely be discouraged by the language and set it down after the first page - if they persevered through it. (Well, with the exception of my sister and a cousin, but they went to University, so we won't count her. Mind you the subject wouldn't likely be of much interest to them anyhow, but that is not the point.) That being said, the style of writing in the article is appropriate to the genre and speaks to the intended audience. People with little interest for the topic and/or little prior knowledge on the topic would not be the audience targetted by the author(s).

The examples provided on pages 209-210 were particularly poignant to me as they deal with documents in education. The curriculum and its criticism are areas with which I am quite familiar. We, teachers, when discussing the QEP and other Ministry provided documents, can be heard commenting on how disconnected from the classroom the pedagogues writing the texts seemed to be. I don't recall making or hearing a complaint about the language used in the documents, though I am not saying that they are not made. I do find it plausible, though, that a parent might find the terminology and tone of these documents to be difficult to digest. Much like Giltrow's example, the criticism may be that the language in the documents is research-based in nature, but it is found in a non-research document. Similarly to the example though, it should be pointed out that the audience is composed of education professionals, who are familiar with the concepts and language employed by the texts. "Genre theory predicts that ... the more highly defined and particular the situations which language serves, the more distinctive will that language be, and the more inscrutable to people unfamiliar with those situations" (p.213). In the context of the QEP, the education professionals understand the language, whereas certain terms may be unclear for some of the "others" reading it.

Tangent: Common sense isn't so common anymore. That's a phrase that crosses my mind fairly frequently. But this chapter, though in a wildly different context, makes us question common sense by telling us that "somtimes 'common sense' is only unexamined assumptions which, left unexamined, perpetuat conditions that benefit some people and disadvantage others - or benefit no one in the long run" (p.210-211). Research peels back the layers of these culturally created assumptions. So perhaps it isn't such a bad thing that common sense isn't so common anymore, in an academic setting, but I still wish people would have a better sense for what is socially appropriate and expected (perhaps that is my own erroneous thinking because who is to determine what is expected or appropriate?).

Highlighter and Notes: My thoughts as I read the article.

"Learning From Our Differences: A Dialogue Across Perspectives on Quality in Education Research"

Agreeing to disagree. The different positions of the co-authors are presented quite clearly. Each author is given a chance to outline his/her position in regards the touchstones they use to judge quality or rigor in the first round of discussion. In the second round, the authors are given the opportunity to discuss the challenges to their perspective, and in a sense, discuss different points made by the other panelists.

Ultimately, the conculsion is that despite irreconcilable differences of the paradigms, of which different co-authors are proponents, the field of education research should encourage dialogues in order to come to a more cohesive collective.

I suppose my naiveté comes from being a new graduate student, who prior to enrolling had not been in close contact with academia since 2010. As an undergraduate, my focus was more on the different theories taught (top-down) and researching those topics. I had realized that there were different paradigms within education research, but I didn't realize that they were in such conflict with one another. The idealist in me thought they simply co-existed: using the best tool for the job.Pamela Moss' introduction clearly presents that the field is fragmented (p.502), and the co-authors demonstrate these differences while presenting their views. I suppose this is what Doreen Starke-Meyerring meant, in "Understanding Disciplinary Cultures and Communites," when she proposed that new researchers encounter new experiences, including "an awereness of the research communities in which they participate" (p.1).

Through the presented exchange, I came to the realization that there are great divides between the approaches favoured by different academics. Denis Phillips presents a framework for the reader to experience the discussion. He is adament in presenting the differences as chasms as he applies Kuhn's work to education research. He chooses - conveniently - Kuhn's softer approach to the chasms, where there is "'communication breakdown' that made discussion and translation of viewpoints very difficult but not impossible" (p.503). Slightly infantilizing, but interesting, Phillips uses Wittegenstein's precept that paradigms or forms of life are language games that have both rules and a point (p.503). And it is with this framework that I - the reader - approached the text.

Though I will not summarize the discussion in this entry, I will say that this format is interesting. In the second round, the co-authors entered in discussions with one another's arguments, much like we are expected to do in a critical paper. The co-authors refer to the points made by others, inject themselves in the conversation in order to move it further along. I must admit that part of me would have rather have heard un-scripted exchanges between the pannelists. Another part of me would have liked for a neat conclusion to come out of the discussion, a resolution of sorts. The article leaves me unsatisfied, but perhaps that is the point. This is an on-going discussion, or it was as of 2009, nearly a decade ago. I suspect, as with many of the issues in the education system (yes, I know, gross over-generalization) that this is still the case. The irreconcilable differences in paradigm would not have been "fixed." I still wonder if the attitudes towards different paradigms within education research remain the same.

Moss, P. A., Phillips, D. C., Erickson, F. D., Floden, R. E., Lather, P. A., & Schneider, B. L. (2009). Learning from our differences: A dialogue across perspectives on quality in education research. Educational Researcher, 38(7), 501-517. https://doi.org/103102/0013189X09348351

Journal Entry 6

The Critical Paper: Introspection into the Process

Is your paper writing experience similar to mine? What steps do you follow? I'd love to have some feedback and suggestions.

Step 1: Panic! Look through all the articles. Try to find one. [Remember too late to that I could have remembered to submit an article for the teacher's review.] Pick one of the suggested readings. Naussbaum. I like her. I remember her from GSE 503.

Step 2: Do what I've told my students to do before learning about a new topic: tap into prior knowledge. Martha Nussbaum. What do I know about her? She advocates for the arts and humanities in education. She talks about democratic citizenship.

Step 2: Ok. Time to read (and re-read) the article.
This takes me multiple sittings and hours... see days.

I'm annotating in a way that makes sense to me. I'm making lists and links and drawing (with no particular artistic skill). It's keeping me on task, focused, and giving me a chance to digest what I have just read and - hopefully - understood.

Gizmo is always helpful when I want to get work done.

Step 3: What now?
Based on my little rant, you already know that I was overwhelmed last time I wrote. I am now feeling better, and I was able to catch up to the readings and be ready for class. Now, it's time to get on it.

I put my headphones on, even though no one is home - perhaps they have become a comfort thing, or I've now associated them with academic work. I have studying music going on: alpha waves music.

Never listened to this stuff until I started my masters. It turns out it calms me right now and helps me focus. Eventually, I don't hear it at all and I don't get distracted by ambient noises as much.

So last night - I do a lot of my thinking right before falling asleep I started thinking of how I could join the conversation.

My area of expertise: Special Needs Adults
Nussbaum's: arts and the humanities and their role in moulding the democratic citizen
Conclusion: It's going to be time to use my area of expertise to advance Nussbaum's argument.

Screenshot of classroomscreen.com. This is an awesome resource for all you teachers out there. 

Brainstorm: Timer is set to 5 minutes. GO!
- role-playing to teach students about new experiences
- social stories created to help students understand acceptable social behaviours
- play with animals (animal therapy) helps students develop skills such as empathy towards other living creatures
- dancing: help learning psychomotor skills, also spacing between people -> social skills. Country Heat, YouV2, HipHop, GoNoodle, students develop a respect for the different tastes and styles of music
- going to a play: last year was terrible, the students were afraid of it, it was way too abstract for them, but they enjoyed the movement, it was an opportunity to learn about appropriate behaviours and coping skills (student not able to leave because she was in the middle of the isle, student putting on headphones to limit the volume of the play)
- drawing / writing out classroom rules
- reading books (picture books in some cases) that deal with more abstract concepts to develop a better understanding
- students love to sing and dance - karaoke and Just Dance - they each take a turn and show one another respect despite the fact that one student's favourite song is "If You're Happy and You Know it". They will request it for her. One of my students was able to sing Beauty and the Beast almost in its entirety. Yet, she struggles to construct simple sentences independently. She usually answers yes/no questions. (eg: "Yes, another song, please.")

Step 4: Let's do some Research.
uh huh... Wait. This is a critical response. I don't want to go too deep down the rabbit hole.

Step 4.2: Let’s go back to the course syllabus...
Note down the main points of the assignment. Now I have a guideline.... ok.. yup. I can do this.

Step 5: Staring at a blank page.
I eliminate some white space by writing the reference of the chapter in APA. One less thing to do later.
Let's give this paper a tentative title - super non-comital and, again, eliminating white space.

Step 6: Just let it flow and edit later.

Step 7: Realize I'm blabbing.
Oh boy... so I'm at 658 words. Yes, I do the student thing and check my word count once in a while. Mainly, it's for times like this when I realize that I have gone into way too many details about the information presented and left myself very little room to contribute.

Step 8: Cut. Re-work.
I may not have made it clear but these steps have taken place over a number of days. I've given myself many breaks in between. Changed locations a number of times: cafe, library, home, library, home, etc... Did some productive procrastination: swept, cleaned out my fridge. Tasks like this make me feel less guilty for walking away from an assignment that I have to submit, and that I, thankfully, got an extension for (bronchitis + sinus infection + full-time teaching students with special needs + pregnancy + training/prepping new teachers for my preventative leave = in bed by 8:30 for the last two weeks... so not much getting done seeing as I got home around 5:00-5:30 and dinner still needs making and eating). This journal entry has also become a productive procrastination tool.

Step 9: Take a Break!
I simply can't edit my paper right after writing it. Well, I can, but it's definitely not as in depth as it normally is. This is normally the part where I send it to someone. Usually my best friend or my sister are the lucky ones who get to make some comments on the grammar or coherence and provide me with the validation that my academic insecurities require.

Today, that's not an option.
[It's Thanksgiving weekend and we are leaving for Saguenay as soon as I manage to wrap this up and pack my bags.

Step 10: Re-read /Edit
For this step, I like to print my work. I suppose I'm stil old school like that. I prefer to read/annotated on paper. I've done it a few times digitally, but it's just not the same.

The ink cartridge is now changed (thanks to Prime next day delivery).

Time to give it one last looksy.

Step 11: A few minor adjustements...
Note that my feedback to myself was not extensive. I understood my own thinking when I was writing, and it was probably preferable that I not go through all of it....
I will be much more detailed and slightly less invasive in my peer-review.

Step 12: Submit and let it go!
Sent to Dr. Mitchell. Sent to my peer-review partner.

I put a sing along there just in case you need a break too!

Step 12: Happy Thanksgiving weekend.
I'm grateful I got through this one! (See what I did there?)

Journal Entry 7

You know that you understand a concept when your brain makes connections. No, I don't have a citation for that, but I will speak for myself and say that it's how I know I've understood a concept. I've been a student within the formal education system (on and off) for 21 1/2 years, I'm going to go ahead and say that provides me with some insight on the matter.

Tangent: Upon reflection, it's interesting how our motivations and responses to being a student change over time. Elementary school - for me - was a time to make friends and make my parents and teachers proud. I'm going to say it was similar in high school, although the social aspect may have played a larger role as I was competing with my friends academically. I was in advanced classes, and I wanted to do as well as my friends. I didn't understand that being a second language learner may have something to do with why I always seemed to be a few percentages behind. (Yes, I'm a life-long dork; I've come to accept and embrace it though.) As I began post-secondary studies, the motivation was developing my qualifications for the career I envisioned for myself. And now, I have those qualifications and have been teaching for 9 years. My motivation for completing this graduate degree is about bettering myself and possibly developing future opportunities. My motivation is no longer nearly as external.

So, back to making connections. I was just watching episode 1 of the second season of Big Bang Theory, and something Sheldon said made me thing of the Giltrow chapter I'd read not long ago.

In his drug-induced honesty, Sheldon tells Leonard that his work is extremely derivative. This made me think of the way Giltrow explained the mapping of the territory of knowledge. Leonard studies the hard sciences, an area that is very populated, referred to as "urban" by Giltrow (p.263). The criticism that Leonard's work is derivative, or derived from previous research, illustrates the struggle that researchers in hard science face as they try to set themselves apart.

Journal Entry 8

Peer Reviewing Experience

So, I know that there's going to be a one-page paper that will outline my reflections on the processes of reviewing a peer's paper. So here is my visual rendering of life (Gizmo) interfering my with work.

Gizmo does not agree with my current activity.

I still haven't grown to love reviewing documents online.

Lending me a "hand."
In case you were wondering: no filters were used
I do actually look this tired. :)

He has no respect for Todd's work.

Now that I've read it over once and made all the comments that crossed my mind. I'm taking a break (to write this post) before I give it another look-see. And off to my peer (Todd) it shall go. Hopefully my handwriting and babble will be helpful for his second draft.

Journal Entry 9

Reflections on "How We All Lose" by Roxane Gay

My first thought when reading this article was: "Wow! I wish I were that efficient at concisely expressing my critiques." It wasn't too much of a stretch to see the connection between this article and the assignment we submitted only a few weeks ago. In fact, I thought that it may have been a valuable exercise to read it before submitting my critical critical paper. I recognize that the tone and style of writing that Gay employs is not the one expected in our assignment, but her ability to identify areas of concern and address them is absolutely relevant. I particularly admire the respect that she gives both the author and the piece while providing her critique.

In this article, Gay reviews a collection of works. She effortlessly expresses her opinion on the pieces, which all centre on the theme of feminism. During our class discussion, Gretchen mentioned that it seemed as if Gay were sitting in an auditorium and she was auditioning the pieces one by one. I liked that imagery and thought it was quite fitting.

One of the reviews that stood out to me was the one critiquing the work of Caitlin Moran (How to Be a Woman). As part of her review, she discusses the author's use of language, which has been a topic we've discussed and read about over the semester. The author's style is approachable for the audience. In fact, the author's style is quite informal in tone, language, and use of expressions. This is such at Gay (2012) even goes as far as to say that Moran's use of language involves accepting humour above cultural ignorance. This made me reflect on the numerous conversations we had this semester over the topic of the use of language in academia. I think that Moran's piece may exemplify the sacrifices that are made in order to widen the work's audience (at least from what I gather in Gay's review).

The conclusion of this reflection of mine is the same as it generally is. There is a time and a place for everything (cliché or not, it's true). The familiar register of language is ill suited in formal writing where being concise and exact are imperative.

Reference:

Gay, R. (2012, October 26). How we all lose. The Rumpus. Retrieved from

https://therumpus.net/2012/10/how-we-all-lose/

Journal Entry 10

A Brief Note on Receiving Feedback

While attending Community Recreation and Leadership Training (CRLT) at Dawson College, I was taught the value of asking for and receiving feedback. It is during this training that I was given the best definition of feedback. In essence, feedback is information provided to you to guide you in adjusting your journey on the right course.

I feel honoured that my peer (though it was assigned) and my prof feel that my work is valuable enough to take the time to read my work and provide me with their insights. These comments are valuable in that they will guide not only the adjustments that this particular paper could benefit from, but they will also provide me with information to keep in mind when I write my next assignments.

The time will soon come to apply the feedback to turn over a better version of my work. So, thank you to both of you for taking the time to help me become a better writer and student.

Journal Entry 11

The Literature Review

This was an easy to digest read, but also one that made me roll my eyes a little bit. I feel like having a section explaining the difference between primary and secondary sources was unnecessary. I taught this to grade 8 students. Then again, we can't go assuming what people know. I understand that. The table outlining the types of sources and their validity was digestible, succinct, and sufficient. A similar table for primary and secondary sources would have been sufficient.

During a discussion with my classmates, I had a thought that was inspired by the storyboard in Figure 3.1 (Thomas, 2013, p. 39). As I thought of the graphic organizer or mind map or storyboard and we discussed our processes, I realized that this is one of my shortcomings. As an English teacher (in a period of my life that now seems far far away), I insisted that my students create an outline prior to writing their assignments. We discussed the importance of brainstorming, of organizing those thoughts, and then creating an outline. This process, which I have taught time and time again, is one that I have not been implementing in my writing process. It's also an exercise that hasn't been expanded upon too much throughout our readings: the practice of organizing thoughts into a coherent argument or paper. Thinking about this made me realize that perhaps I, too, could benefit from my own advice. I suppose I will see if I apply this reflection when the time comes to write my reflection paper.

The table entitled "Useful linking words," was ... well useful (Thomas, 2013, p.39). It prompted a group discussion on how we sometimes struggle to connect our ideas from one paragraph to another, particularly when we are concerned about the length of our work. It is general good practice to use transition words in writing, but it becomes especially valuable when developing a cohesive argument. The table presents different ways of showing difference, agreement, or logical links. I will likely have it on my desk when writing the second draft of my critical paper.

Reference

Thomas, G. (2013). The literature review. In J. Seaman (Ed.), How to do your research project: A guide for students (pp.30-45). UK: Sage Publications Ltd.

Journal Entry 12

What's it Worth?

Apple's article on the status of knowledge and the involved politics of their construction and reception shone a different light on academia for me. Prior, I looked at research in education as the creation of knowledge, which could help guide pedagogical practices. To me, research and its resulting information was a well from which to draw to have efficient and effective teaching practices. I had not looked at it as a commodity, as "social capital" (Apple, 1999, 344). Upon reading the article, I realized that as any factory producing a tangible product, research universities produce knowledge-based social capital. The reception of the product (research) by the customers (discourse communities) results in profit (funding for universities) and popularity of the brand (status of the university). Oh yuck! Thinking of it this way is giving me the heebie-jeebies. It makes sense though. I mean, aren't we running our schools like businesses too? I feel that this is especially the case in adult education, where the enrolment determines whether or not a course will run that semester, and where the funds earned from a program running at over capacity (there are no maximum number of students to a class, but there is a logical threshold where teaching becomes much less effective) are used to fund one with not enough students instead of providing additional resources to the former.

Reference:

Apple, M. W. (1999). What counts as legitimate knowledge? The social production and use of

reviews. Review of Educational Research, 69(4), 343-346.

About "Beyond the Measure of Men"

The Rumpus is an online platform for those who may not find a place for their opinions, views, voice. Cool. Didn't take the time to look into the website last time I read Roxane Gay's article, which was published on the same platform.

Based on the platform, I better understand the format that Roxane Gay uses in her writing. She begins with a heartfelt (pathos driven) argument about the writing produced by women. She deplores the treatment that such writing receives from the literary establishment, which I believe anyone can agree, is male dominated. She discusses the futile efforts that have been made in the face of outrage to rectify the situation. She also discusses the label of "women's fiction." All of which, before breaking into reviews of different works that deal with themes tied to feminism.

Chick flicks. Women's fiction. These terms are used to describe works that deal with domestic topics and emotions often linked to the female experience. They also describe works created by women or where the protagonists are women. Sadly, I had never stopped to think about these labels. It's just part of my experience. I know that I've been frustrated when I've wanted to watch a movie with my husband and he dismissed it because it seemed to deal with "girl things." But, I don't recall ever stopping and thinking about that experience being experienced by men. Why is it that the value of a movie is often determined by whether or not men will watch it? Why is it that men aren't (generally) interested in works that deal with the female perspective? How are these notions of value engrained in our children? How do we stop perpetuating them? (Yes, these are rhetorical questions. No, I will not be attempting to answer them. This is the beauty of a journal. I can write my thoughts and only be accountable to myself.)

"Male readerships shouldn't be the measure to which we aspire. Excellence should be the measure and if men and the establishment can't (or won't) recognize that excellence, we should leave the culpability with them instead of bearing it ourselves." (Gay, 2012).

I think that this statement, made in reference to the readership of literary works, applies to a number of contexts. The idea of "proving yourself" as a woman in a man's world is antiquated. The idea is not to prove that we are just as good as men. We need to look at what the standard of excellence is and aspire to it. I think we've moved beyond the approval of the male gaze.

Roxane Gay writes persuasively with a palpable confidence. Her opinions are clearly stated and supported by examples. Her language is convincing and heavy with passion. I hope that my writing will stand as strong as hers one day.

Reference:

Gay, R. (2012, April 5). Beyond the measure of men. The Rumpus. Retrieved from

https://therumpus.net/2012/04/beyond-the-measure-of-men/

Journal Entry 13

I will likely be wrapping up this journal after my presentation. In fact, my presentation is today and the topic of this journal cannot be explored because I have yet to explore it.

This journal has been an introspective activity, which has allowed me to tease out some thoughts triggered by readings and class discussions. It's a bit of a stream of consciousness mixed with supporting textual evidence. I'm not sure that it has benefited anyone other than myself, but I hope that it's been, at the very least, entertaining for you. Hopefully, there were a few "right on's" and "that makes sense" too.

The entry I will add to this journal is the one about my experience revising and re-submitting my work. As mentioned in my entry about feedback, I will be re-submitting my critical paper. I am not doing so because I want a higher grade - although, it is a nice bonus that I welcome the opportunity to have. I am going to revise my work because it is part of the writing process, and this is the purpose that this course has served for me. This course has been the vessel for my exploration of my writing process.

I must admit that there are very few times when I have used the feedback provided to me after an assignment has been graded. I think that this is a step of the writing process that I need to experience in order to have taken full advantage of this course.

Thank you all for your time and your support.

Journal Entry 14

My First Failed Assignment Since High School

OUCH! 40%. I got a 54% in my ELA class in Secondary IV with a note from the teacher that said something to the likes of: "It sounds like you didn't read the book." I hadn't read the book. I can also admit that I skimmed some of the questions, which as obviously a mistake.

Now, I will argue that one answer was correct and was marked as incorrect (I hadn't selected all the answers, just all of the above). But let's face it, that would hardly help me. This quiz made me realize how deep the reach of the APA guide goes. I knew that there were some grammar restrictions, but I somehow didn't realize there were that many. This is exactly why I write all my essays with OWL Purdue as an open tab on my computer. And despite this, I still make mistakes that seem obvious (like it my last paper). I'm going to have to pay special attention when I revise my reflection paper. I recognize that APA formatting is an important structure, but I don't want formatting errors to distract from my ideas.

Journal Entry 15

A Reflection on My Inner Teacher Dialogue

It isn’t until I was in a psychologically unhealthy relationship that I found myself questioning whether or not I am in the right vocation. Granted, my partner at the time was manipulating me into questioning the fabric of my sense of self. Values that I hold in high esteem and strive to embody, I was told were not part of the fabric of my being. I was losing my sense of selfhood. It is also during this period that I truly questioned whether I even had an inner teacher to converse with. Sadly, this self-doubt and revisiting of selfhood was prompted by a storm that was ripping up the baseboards under my feet.

            Although the situation that prompted the reflection was dark and unpleasant, the exercise wasn’t entirely negative. It was one of the scariest moments of my adulthood. I was questioning who I was (inner and outwardly). Teaching is a thread in the fabric of my being, and I know that because I had this period of questioning. At that time, I had been a teacher for about six years. I had, I thought, beat the odds since I had made it through the first five years of teaching unscathed.

In fact, upon beginning my career, I was thrown into the lion’s den. I had six out of control grade 9 (and one grade 8) classes. I was starting off my career in late November, in History and French classes, with students whose teacher had chosen to retire at that point in time. I soon found out it wasn’t for nothing. His classes were composed of students who were infamous for their behaviour. If ever any classes were strategically populated to get a teacher to retire, it was these ones. I was assured is something that would never take place by the administrator. By the end of the academic year, I had complete control of four out of the six classes. Teachers and administrators praised me for my resilience and for the change in student performance. It didn’t come easy. I often passed out on the couch by 7pm. Woke at 5amwith heart palpitations followed by vomiting. I was so stressed I could hardly eat more than a few bites as a meal. I didn’t want to talk about my days to anyone. I lost weight. I escaped into booze-fueled weekends away from family and true friends to avoid meaningful interactions. It wasn’t pretty. But then June came. I took a deep breath and a solid look around.  Summer councilled me well. Picked myself back up and moved forward! I had made it through the worst. I still felt that I was on the right path. I had shut down anyone who suggested I may want to change careers. And I was growing more confident.

            I may have lost myself in a bit of a tangent, but the point is that those two dark moments in my teaching career have been the times where I had the clearest dialogue with my inner teacher. I asked myself the real questions. I was uncensored and ruthless. Perhaps the intensity of the conversation came because I was losing or was afraid I had lost my teacher heart, but the conversation was meaningful and enlightening.

            I have been prescribed some inner reflection before. These inner conversations usually came in the form of self-evaluations that accompany the school’s teacher performance evaluation or in the form of a teacher journal that was assigned by a teaching methods course teacher. As I read this article and think ahead to the final reflection essay that I have to write for GSE 510, I am coming to the realization that I benefit greatly from sitting and reflecting on myself, my teacher self. I feel the need to further incorporate this introspection into my teaching practices.  In fact, as I am on preventative leave, I am going to take the time to take an inventory of my teaching self. I don’t know how I will do it yet. Knowing myself, I think it will be a mix of journaling, thinking, mind-mapping, vision board creating, and conversing with colleagues.

I’m truly grateful that reading this excerpt from Palmer’s The Courage to Teach provided me with the opportunity to reflect on what makes me the teacher I am. I don’t think that I am done developing my identity or figuring out every aspect of integrity that accompanies it, but I do believe that active reflection is going to allow me to make sure that I am the best teacher I can be for my students, that I teach from the heart.

Palmer, P. J. (2007). The courage to teach: Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher's life. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Journal Entry 16

Poetry in the Academy: A Language of Possibility

Leggo (2018) states that his “goal is to offer a hopeful testimony to the value of giving curricular and pedagogical attention to the significance of critical creativity in education” (p. 69). To me this echoed the efforts of Naussbum to highlight that the literacy and the arts should be regarded in a higher regard than they currently hold.

Leggo (2018) states that he believes “the primary aim of education is to investigate, practise, and promote love” (p.74). This resonates deeply with my teaching philosophy, which I outlined when completing my undergrad. I stated that my primary objective was to provide students with a safe emotional and physical environment conducive to their personal development. My professor noted that I should likely integrate academic progress, which I did promptly. Ultimately, I understood why the professor suggested I add an explicit statement of knowledge-based development seeing as it was part of my curriculum vitae. That being said, I believed and still believe that the opportunity to grow as individuals, leaders and citizens could and would take place through learning about the mastery of language and the history of the world of which they belong.  “The new language we need in education is the language of love, which is always committed to possibility and hope. This kind of language is always radical” (Leggo, 2018, p.74). This new language that Leggo speaks of is the one I believe my education philosophy needed. I had never thought of the vehicle of my philosophy. It now seems evident that love would become its language as it would nurture the development of the student. I see my role, that of the teacher or educator, much more as a facilitator of growth. I believe that the students need to develop not only a mastery of academic skills, but I also a mastery of emotions (good and bad).

I thought the focus placed on language and form, which Leggo explores through poetry in this essay, was particularly interesting. Language, form and genre have been the focus of many of our readings and conversations. In “Scholars at a Conference,” a poem that is a part of this essay, Leggo (2018) discusses the feeling of not fitting in within academia. Leggo states “even after 25 years/ I am still a stranger / trying to fit in where/ I don’t can’t won’t” (87). I can imagine not conforming to the form and genre of academic writing could lead to Leggo being labeled as an outsider to academia. I must confess that it is not a comforting feeling to read that even after 25 years, this recognized researcher still does not feel like he is accepted in academia. This also reminds me of Parker J Palmer’s (2007) example of Eric, the brother, who the story shows did not find his true self within academia. (p.16). This leads me to conclude that academia is not all-welcoming. There is a certain exclusivity to taking part in it. There is a criticism of alienation and of elitism that accompanies the language, form and genre of academic writing. Giltrow points out the differences between the levels of writing and take care to outline the standards that should be set for academic writing in her work. Through discussions of the readings and of lectures, we’ve often discussed that our (my) participation in the discussion is what makes academic writing of the graduate student stand out from other levels of education prior. Yet, because I participate in the conversation through my writing does not make me feel like I have somehow entered academia. I don’t know at which point the confidence in my writing will lead me to feeling like I have entered the realm of this academic community. Perhaps publication of a peer-reviewed paper would be sufficient for me to feel like I am truly part of the conversation? Perhaps becoming an active participant in carrying out research would make me feel like I have entered this realm? I have not yet discovered what threshold I need to cross since I still feel like I am an observer. I feel like I have dipped my big toe in the pool, but I don’t feel like I am swimming with the big kids just yet.

Leggo, C. (2018). Poetry in the academy: A language of possibility. Canadian journal of education, 41(1), 69-97.

Journal Entry 17

This Is IT

I'm sitting here oddly pleased that I took my own advice. I've taught students time and time again that there are processes to help write an essay. For some reason, I am a terrible student of mine because I often do not follow my own advice. 

I am aware that I need to work on positioning myself effectively in an essay. I think that part of it is my lack of confidence in my professional voice within academia. Another part is through my own fault. I do not go through the processes that could help me build stronger arguments. Out of respect for the course, I decided to go through the processes this time. 

I read, and re-read, and re-re-read the assignment description. Dr. Mitchell mentioned being able to see how many times we've opened a document. I wonder how many times I have downloaded that document this semester. 

I watched the video that was suggested in the assignment description, which I have attached here for your viewing pleasure: 

Coghlan, D. [SAGE Publishing]. (2017, 03, 29). How do you write a reflective essay?. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7faxtIY7pQQ.

These are the notes resulting from watching the video. 

I brainstormed by creating a mind map. 

I sat down to write a first draft more than a week before it was due. I walked away from it feeling displeased. I went to a coffee shop, the library, went home. Between the phone calls and the commitments I had that day (and a healthy dose of procrastination), I hardly got anything done. In fact, I think there might only be a few sentences of that afternoon that remain in my essay. I was having difficulty getting that essay going. How could it be so difficult to write about my learning when I knew it all. Shoot! This blog/journal holds so many pieces of the learning I have done. I wasn't exactly easy to take all of that information and distill it into 1200 words. 

Days later, I decided to go at it again. I thought... maybe I should make an outline, just like I instructed my students in the past. And, I did.

Yes, the pictures in this blog were taken the same day. 

Lo and behold, an essay started to take shape. I was quite pleased with the result when I left my essay for the second time (with yet still a number of days before submission!)

And then! Yes, there is an "and then"! I read through my essay on the computer, which I normally do. BUTTTTT I also printed it, which is what I did for my peer editing, and what I used to do for my students. I gave my work the same respect I give to others'! That's a new one!

I love peer feedback, even if my peer is not from my class or from my field. If my sister, who is in content programming at a digital music distribution company, who has an undergrad in communications, can understand what I'm talking about, then I'm on the right path. I also ask my best friend for feedback sometimes. She's a high school English teacher, so she has some professional insight into some of what I write. All in all, it's nice to have fresh eyes look at my work. 

So yes, as I am finishing this blog, I am waiting for some feedback. Once I receive it, I will (or won't) make adjustments to my assignment before I submit it tomorrow. 

As I sit here, reflecting about my reflecting paper and its writing process, I am feeling quite pleased with the development my writing practices have undergone this semester. 

This journal has accompanied me in the digestion of quite a bit of information this semester, and I hope that it has been somewhat pleasant for you to peruse. 

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